本文精选了一篇得分13分以上的2017年考研英语一大作文高分范例，并附启航老师对该范文的逐句批改。文中清晰展示了考研英语写作锦囊评分细则中关于语法多样性、词汇丰富度与逻辑连贯性的得分技巧，是考研英语学习的高价值内容。

一、考研英语一2017年大作文题目

考研英语一2017年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and 3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2017年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand picture,there is a boy looking his book table full of books and feeling happy. On the contrary, in the right portrayal, there is a boy making a plan to read twenty books in this year.

Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that actively practicing is the brush that paints a bright future, while sloth is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant, First and foremost,sloth not only hinders one"s success, but also acts as an Achilles"s heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into a stepping stone towards hell. What"s more , neglecting to practice is like a heavy chain that hinders people’s progress. leaving them with a negative outlook on life.

In brief, practicing is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefores, we should actively support and advocate this practice;additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of to ensure our growth stays on course .

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：he left-hand picture,there is a boy looking his book table full of books and feeling happy. On the contrary, in the right portrayal, there is a boy making a plan to read twenty books in this year. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that actively practicing is the brush that paints a bright future, while sloth is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：你很好地完成了对图画的描述，并准确地提炼了核心寓意，开篇点题，做得很好

原文：looking his bo

批改：...looking his book table... 这里似乎漏掉了一个介词，look at 是固定搭配。可以写成 looking at his bookcase/desk which is full of books。

原文： in this year

批改：...in this year. 介词 in 在这里是多余的，直接说 this year 即可。

原文：s phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant, First and foremost,sloth not only hinders one"s success, but also acts as an Achilles"s heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into a stepping stone towards hell. What"s more , neglecting to practice is like a heavy chain that hinders people’s progress. leaving them with a negative outlook on life.

批改：本段从两个层面展开论述，结构清晰。你使用了 Achilles" heel 和 heavy chain 这样的典故和比喻，显示出你丰富的词汇量。

原文：Achilles"s heel

批改：Achilles"s heel 的写法，更常见的所有格形式是 Achilles" heel。

原文：brief, practicing is the catalyst for societal and personal development, from which we all stand to benefit. Therefores, we should actively support and advocate this practice;additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of to ensure our growth stays on course .

批改：结论段再次点明主题，结构完整

原文： Therefores, w

批改：Therefores, 这是一个拼写错误，正确写法是 Therefore

原文：we must be acutely awa

批改：...we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of to ensure our growth stays on course . 这个句子不完整。the detrimental effects of 后面缺少了宾语，of 这个词不知道指向什么。建议修改为：...we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of sloth/inaction to ensure our growth stays on course.

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：15

你的作文很好地完成了任务：

内容要点：完整包含了图画描述、寓意阐释、观点论证和总结建议。

词汇语法：展现了你积极使用高级词汇（如 catalyst, detrimental, Achilles" heel) 和复杂句型的能力。

衔接与层次：使用了 First and foremost, What"s more, In brief 等衔接词，文章结构清晰。

主要失分点在于一些影响理解的语法结构错误和个别拼写、标点问题，这些地方经过细心修改后，你的作文质量会有一个很大的提升。

总评与修改建议：

同学，你的作文框架搭建得非常扎实，立意也很深刻，尤其是那几个比喻句，用得很出彩，能看出你是很有想法的！目前最大的挑战，是如何把好的想法用更精准、地道的语言表达出来。

我给你两个最主要的建议：

写完多读一遍：很多小错误，比如标点、漏词、拼写，如果写完后再轻声读一遍，凭语感就能发现很大一部分。比如“look his table”读起来就会觉得有点别扭。

警惕“长句子”：你想写复杂长句的意愿非常好，但长句也更容易出错。在平时练习时，可以试着先确保句子的“主谓宾”核心结构是完整和正确的，然后再往上添加修饰成分。比如最后一句，我们先保证“we must be aware of the effects”这个核心是对的，再往里加“of what？”和“for what purpose？”。

本文精解的2017年考研英语一范文，在启航教育AI智能批改系统中拿到了高分评价。快速揪出失分点，对着薄弱点学提升更快，是考研英语写作锦囊备考的贴心帮手。扫码预约，免费体验考研英语作文AI智能批改。