想在短时间内显著提升考研英语写作分数？研读高分范文并接受专业批改是高效的路径。本文整理的2016年考研英语一批改范例，从图表描述、原因分析到建议评论，每一段都渗透着考研英语写作技巧热点话题的得分要点。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a boy,studying beside the table and confusing about his father"s requirement of studying hard,while he is smoking and watching TV. On the contrary, in the right -hand portrayal ,both the father and his son are devoting themself to study. Evidently,the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future,while negative examples are the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought- provoking in several ways,but two of them are particularly significant.On the one hand,the power of positive examples can nurture our souls, and promote personal growth and self - fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming.On the other hand,the harm caused by negative examples is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress,leaving them with a negative outlook on life,and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development,from which we all stand to benefit.Therefore,we should actively support and advocate this practice;additionally,we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand cartoon, there is a boy,studying beside the table and confusing about his father"s requirement of studying hard,while he is smoking and watching TV. On the contrary, in the right -hand portrayal ,both the father and his son are devoting themself to study. Evidently,the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that positive examples are the brush that paints a bright future,while negative examples are the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：本段准确地描述了两幅图的对比，并运用了出色的比喻来点明主旨

原文：s phenomenon is thought- provoking in several ways,but two of them are particularly significant.On the one hand,the power of positive examples can nurture our souls, and promote personal growth and self - fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming.On the other hand,the harm caused by negative examples is like a heavy chain that hinders children"s progress,leaving them with a negative outlook on life,and preventing them from shining brightly in future society.

批改：本段的论证层次分明，逻辑严谨

原文：ief, positive examples are the catalyst for societal and personal development,from which we all stand to benefit.Therefore,we should actively support and advocate this practice;additionally,we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段很好地总结了全文，高级词汇和复杂句式的运用娴熟得当

原文： confusing ab

批改：confusing → 此处应用形容词形式，建议改为 confused，表示“感到困惑的”。

原文：devoting themsel

批改：devoting themself → 主语为“both the father and his son”，是复数，反身代词应使用 themselves。 devoting ... to study → “devote to”中的“to”是介词，后面应接名词或动名词，建议改为 devoting themselves to studying 或 their studies。

原文： shackl

批改：shackle → 为与“chains”等比喻保持一致，建议使用复数形式 shackles。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17

总评与修改建议

你的这篇作文非常出色，结构严谨，论证有力，语言富有文采。尤其在比喻修辞的运用上（如brush, shackles, catalyst, on course），正反对比的论证框架也运用得十分纯熟。

如果说还有什么提升空间，那就是在追求内容深度的同时，继续打磨语法的细节，比如非谓语动词、主谓一致和介词搭配等。这能让你在表达复杂思想时更加游刃有余，令文章趋于完美。请务必保持你独特的语言风格和严谨的论证结构，这无疑是冲击高分的利器。

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