考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大，一直是2016年考研英语一备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语一作文模板话题，给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文，文中不仅有逐句批注，还附有可复制的考研英语一高分写作模板。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father, sitting in front of TV, smoking, and demanding his son to study hard. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, a father is studying together with his son. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that good example is the brush that paints a bright future, while bad example is the shackle that hinder progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, good example can nurture children’s souls, and promote their personal development and self-fulfillment, thus making their life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, bad example is like a heavy chain that hinders children’s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly in the future society.

In brief, good example is the catalyst for children’s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental efforts of bad example to ensure children’s growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：TV

批改：可数名词单数形式不能单独存在，改为 a TV

原文：good example

批改：可数名词单数形式不能单独存在，改为 a good example

原文：bad example

批改：改为 a bad example

原文：hinder

批改：此处 that 指的是 the shackle, 谓语动词要用三单形式，改为 hinders

批改：开头段表达不错，清晰地阐述了图画内容, 表达的主题和图画也是贴合的

原文：good example

批改：改为 a good example

原文：good example

批改：改为 a good example

原文：bad example

批改：改为 a bad example

批改：内容表达很好，也很具体

原文：efforts

批改：根据意思，此处应该是 effects

原文：bad example

批改：改为 a bad example

批改：结尾段内容表达很好

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16分/20分

题目要求：总体上来说是切题的，表明了个人观点，和图画的内容很贴合

语言表达：存在几处语法问题，词汇表达不错，一些句式也很好

结构逻辑：文章的结构完整清晰，内容也比较丰富具体

修改建议：语法问题结合作文批注仔细修改，要细心。之后可以多积累素材，自己多练练句子，进一步丰富自己的句式和观点储备，提高自己的语言表达，总的来说写的不错，加油！

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