本文是一份经过启航教育整理的2016年考研英语一大作文批改资料，对照考研英语作文话题写作框架与评分标准进行精细讲解。无论是词汇句式、段落衔接还是逻辑展开，本文都能为考研英语考生提供可直接套用的范例。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

In the left-hand cartoon, there is a father, smoking, watching TV while telling his son should hardly study. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, the father always company his son with study. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that a good example is the brush that paints a bright future, while a bad example is the shackle that hinders progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a good example can ignite children"s creativity, and promote their personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, a bad example is like a heavy chain that hinder children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly on future society.

In brief, the right example is the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of the wrong example to ensure our growth stays on course.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：e left-hand cartoon, there is a father, smoking, watching TV while telling his son should hardly study. On the contrary, in the right-hand portrayal, the father always company his son with study. Evidently, the cartoonist intends to convey to readers that a good example is the brush that paints a bright future, while a bad example is the shackle that hinders progress.

批改：开篇描述清晰，对比结构使用得当。“on the contrary”这个连接词用得很准确。核心的比喻句写得非常精彩，令人印象深刻！

原文： telling his son should hardly stud

批改：“telling his son should hardly study” 这个结构可以优化一下。动词“tell”后面通常接“人+to do”或一个完整的宾语从句。可以改为 “telling his son to study hard” 或 “saying that his son should study hard”。同时，“hardly”意为“几乎不”，这里想表达的“努力”应该是“hard”。

原文： company

批改：“company” 是名词，这里需要其动词形式 “accompanies”。动词“accompany”本身已包含“陪伴某人”的意思

原文：is phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, a good example can ignite children"s creativity, and promote their personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being self-consuming. On the other hand, a bad example is like a heavy chain that hinder children"s progress, leaving them with a negative outlook on life and preventing them from shining brightly on future society.

批改：本段的正反论证逻辑清晰，说理透彻。“ignite creativity”和“heavy chains”的运用非常贴切，与首段的比喻形成了很好的呼应。

原文：a bad example

批改：“a bad example... that hinder...” 中，关系代词“that”指代单数名词“example”，所以谓语动词建议使用 “hinders”。

原文：hining brightly on futur

批改：“shining brightly on future society” 中，介词 “on” 调整为 “in” (in society) 会更符合英语习惯。

原文：brief, the right example is the catalyst for children"s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of the wrong example to ensure our growth stays on course.

批改：结尾段总结有力，再次点明主题并提出了积极的呼吁，结构非常完整。“catalyst”（催化剂）和“detrimental effects”（有害影响）这两个高级词汇的使用准确且出彩，为文章增色不少。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16

作文内容切题，结构严谨，论证充分，并成功使用了高级词汇和复杂句式。主要的提升空间在于语法细节的精准度，如主谓一致和词汇搭配。

总评与建议：

当前，我们可以集中精力提升语言的精细度。你的宏观架构能力很强，现在需要的是在微观细节上更上一层楼。我的核心建议是：

关注语法细节：特别注意主谓一致（如a bad example hinders）和动词搭配（如tell sb. to do）这些细节，它们能让你的文章显得更老练。

强化词性意识：注意区分常见词的词性，比如名词“company”和动词“accompany”的用法区别。

养成检查习惯：完成后花一分钟快速通读，重点检查这些细节，就能避免很多小失误。

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