考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大，一直是2014年考研英语二备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语二作文范文话题，给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文，文中不仅有逐句批注，还附有可复制的考研英语二高分写作模板。

一、2014年考研英语二大作文题目

考研英语二2014年大作文Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and2) give your comments.You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET.

二、2014年考研英语二大作文批改例文

This bar chart giving above indicates the quantity variation of the population in city and countryside over the period from 1990 to 2010, unfolding that urban population rocket up to a high level in 2010 (666 millions), by contrast, the rural residents is in a descending trendency even came to 674 millions in 2010.

Varying population has arouse wide concern which involves the change of ours perspection nowadays at the every corner of our soclety.

As the graph displays, the most cardinal tip is

related to the issue of people in this society are pursuing the rapid rhythm in metropolis. The factors contributing to a big rise in urban residents and a slide population in countryside in twenty years are vastly complex. Some attribute it to the developed technology in

highly city that not merely makes people feel they are living in a modern world but provides more advanced infrastructure which improving the quality of life as well.Others places the high value on that people argue that live in city means that they can achieve better education, go to a authoritative hospital when they catch a disease and so on.

It is hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the revolutionary influences that “escape from countryside” give rise to,

From impaired judgement to increase the stress of the velume of city and aggravate the urban climate，the consequences ripple across nearly every aspectof muman life.从哪删点呢该

三、考研英语作文批改

原文： giving abov

批改：giving above” 应改为 “given above”

原文：quantity variatio

批改：“quantity variation” 搭配不自然，建议改为 “changes in the size of the population”。

原文： city and countrysid

批改：in city and countryside” 应使用标准术语 “in urban and rural areas”

原文：nfolding that urban population rocke

批改：“unfolding that” 用法不当，可改为 “showing that” 或 “which shows that”。 “rocket up” 过于口语化，应改为 “rocketed” 或 “increased dramatically”。

原文：6 millions

批改：666 millions” 单位错误，应为 “666 million”。

原文：e rural residents is in a descending trendency even came to 674 millions in 2010.

批改：“the rural residents is” 主谓不一致，应为 “the rural population was”。 “a descending trendency” 拼写错误，应为 “a descending trend”。

原文：is bar chart giving above indicates the quantity variation of the population in city and countryside over the period from 1990 to 2010, unfolding that urban population rocket up to a high level in 2010 (666 millions), by contrast, the rural residents is in a descending trendency even came to 674 millions in 201

批改：第一段成功传达了核心信息，但语法错误、用词不当和拼写问题较为密集

原文：as arouse wide concern which involves the

批改：“has arouse” 时态错误，应为 “has aroused”。 “ours perspection” 拼写错误，应为 “our perspective”。

原文：ur soclet

批改：“soclety” 拼写错误，应为 “society”

原文：ying population has arouse wide concern which involves the change of ours perspection nowadays at the every corner of our soclety.

批改：这一句作为独立段落，功能上是不充分的。它既没有总结图表，也没有有效引出原因分析，建议将其与下文合并

原文：e most cardinal tip is related to the issue of peo

批改：“the most cardinal tip” 用词不当且不自然， “cardinal” 过于正式， “tip” 又太随意。 “people ... are pursuing the rapid rhythm” 搭配不当， “fast pace of life” 是常见表达。

原文：ighly city t

批改：“in highly city” 错误，应为 “in highly developed cities” 或 “in major cities”。

原文：hich improvin

批改：“which improving” 语法错误，应为 “which improves”。

原文： authoritative hospital when they catch a di

批改：“a authoritative” 冠词错误，应为 “an authoritative”。 “catch a disease” 过于口语化，可改为 “receive medical treatment”。

原文：the graph displays, the most cardinal tip is related to the issue of people in this society are pursuing the rapid rhythm in metropolis. The factors contributing to a big rise in urban residents and a slide population in countryside in twenty years are vastly complex. Some attribute it to the developed technology in highly city that not merely makes people feel they are living in a modern world but provides more advanced infrastructure which improving the quality of life as well.Others places the high value on that people argue that live in city means that they can achieve better education, go to a authoritative hospital when they catch a disease and so on.

批改：内容逻辑：这是本篇文章的亮点！ 你成功地从“基础设施/技术”和“公共服务（教育、医疗）”两个非常具体、贴切的角度分析了城市化的重要原因。这个论证方向是完全正确

原文：” give rise to, From impaired judgement to increase th

批改：“give rise to” 主谓不一致，应为 “gives rise to”。 “velume” 拼写错误，应为 “volume”。

原文：of muman life.

批改：“muman lif” 拼写错误，应为 “human life

原文：s hardly necessary for me to cite all the evidence of the revolutionary influences that “escape from countryside” give rise to, From impaired judgement to increase the stress of the velume of city and aggravate the urban climate，the consequences ripple across nearly every aspectof muman life.从哪删点呢该

批改：结尾段偏离了主题。考研作文的结尾应总结观点或展望未来，而非引入新的、负面的讨论。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：9分

优点：论证角度（第三、四段）选择正确，体现了良好的思辨能力。

主要失分点：

语法与词汇：全篇存在大量且严重的语法错误、拼写错误和用词不当，严重影响了理解。

内容与连贯：段落功能不清晰，衔接生硬，结尾偏题。

总评与修改建议：

回归基础，优先准确：在考场上，请优先使用你百分百确定正确的简单句式和词汇。宁愿写“The city has better schools and hospitals”，也不要写错误百出的复杂句。准确永远是第一位的。

你的思维核心：1. 城市基础设施和技术好。 2. 城市教育和医疗资源好。

优化后的表达：

“The population shift can be explained by the distinct advantages of urban life. Firstly, cities offer more developed infrastructure and technological amenities, which significantly improve the quality of daily life. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, urban areas provide access to superior educational institutions and medical facilities, attracting families seeking better opportunities for their children and themselves.”

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