作为考研英语备考的核心模块，2023年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文，紧扣考研英语一作文范文常见话题，由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改，详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点，是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。

一、考研英语一2023年大作文题目

考研英语一2023年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay based on the picture below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2023年大作文批改例文

As shown in the cartoon, there are two elderly people with the happy smile on their faces, watching the distance and saying, 〝The dragon boat competition is becoming increasingly popular in our village.” From my perspective, the picture does reflect a thought-provoking social phenomenon: attaching importance to traditional festival deserves due attention from individuals.

When subjected to thorough analysis, it becomes evident that valuing traditional festivals is rooted in fundamental reasons. First and foremost, it is a truth universally acknowledged that all other factors being equal, valuing the traditional festivals can be the decisive factor in achieving social harmony and progress. In addition, since young people always play a vanguard role in promoting social progress, and developing the awareness of valuing traditional festivals exerts influence on their Chinese cultural recognition, it will inevitably shape their outlook on life in the foreseeable future. Consequently, the lack of such awareness will hinder us from making sustainable progress and eventually cost us dearly.

Overall, the awareness of valuing traditional festivals is as significance as water to fish and relevant measures must be taken properly. To be specific, the government should implement proper policies and launch mass media companies to appeal; education institutions should provide open courses and guidance to infuse such an indispensable awareness into everyone. The more rapidly concentrated efforts are made, the more effectively this awareness will benefit us in the foreseeable future.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：g the distance and saying, 〝The dragon boat competition is becoming increasingly popular in our village.” From my perspective, the picture does reflect a thought-provoking social phenomenon: attaching importance to traditional festival deserves due attention from individuals.

批改： 你成功描述了图片并引出了主题。开头的描述很生动

原文：th the happy smile on their faces, watching the distance and saying, 〝The dragon boat competition is becoming increasingly popular in our village.” From my perspective, the picture doe

批改：with the happy smile-> with happy smiles​ (“smile”作为可数名词，此处应用复数；冠词the多余) watching the distance-> gazing into the distance​ (“gazing”更常与“into the distance”搭配，表示凝视远方) traditional festival-> traditional festivals​ (应用复数，指一类事物) deserves due attention from individuals-> 这个结论可以更精炼地融入描述中。可以改为：the picture reflects the significance of valuing traditional festivals.

原文：tors being equal, valuing the traditional festivals can be the decisive factor in achieving social harmony and progress. In addition, since young people always play a vanguard role in promoting social progress, and developing the awareness of valuing traditional festivals exerts influence on their Chinese cultural recognition, it will inevitably shape their outlook on life in the foreseeable future. Consequently, the lack of such awareness will hinder us from making sustainable progress and eventually cost us dearly.

批改：本段的论证视角非常有高度，从“社会和谐进步”和“青年文化认同”两个宏观层面展开，体现了深刻的思考。这是非常大的亮点。可以进一步提升的地方是论证的具体性。比如，可以简要说明传统节日如何促进社会和谐（如增强社区凝聚力），以及如何影响青年的文化认同和人生观，让深刻的论点有更扎实的支撑。

原文：it is a truth universally acknowledged that all other factors being equal, valuing the traditional festivals can be the decisive factor in achieving social harmony and progress. In addition, since young people always play a vanguard role in promoting social progress, and developin

批改：it is a truth universally acknowledged that all other factors being equal, valuing the traditional festivals can be the decisive factor...-> 这个句子的结构过于复杂，借鉴了《傲慢与偏见》的经典句式，但用在这里稍显冗长且重点不突出。可以简化为：First, valuing traditional festivals is a decisive factor in achieving social harmony and progress.​ (保留核心论点，使表达更直接) exerts influence on-> strengthens​ 或 fosters​ (用更积极、具体的动词) it will inevitably shape-> this awareness will inevitably shape​ (指代更清晰)

原文：asures must be taken properly. To be specific, the government should implement proper policies and launch mass media companies to appeal; education institutions should provide open courses and guidance to infuse such an indispensable awareness into everyone. The more rapidly concentrated efforts are made, the more effectively this awareness will benefit us in the foreseeable future.

批改：结尾段使用了比喻，提出了具体的建议，并用了“The more..., the more...”的句型，体现了很强的语言运用能力

原文：s as significance as water to fish and relevant measures must be taken properly. To be specific, the government should implement proper policies and launch mass media companies to appeal; edu

批改：is as significance as-> is as significant as​ (词性错误，应用形容词significant) launch mass media companies to appeal-> 搭配可优化，建议改为 utilize mass media to raise public awareness

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16

同学，你这篇作文最突出的优点是立意高远、词汇丰富、句式复杂，展现了冲击高分的巨大潜力。

当前，提升的关键在于让宏大的论述“落地”，并提升细节的精准度。

让论证更具体：在提出“促进社会和谐”等宏大观点时，用一两句话简要说明其实现机制，使论证更扎实。

确保语言精准：注意名词单复数和词性（如significant vs significance）等细节，这是高分作文的基石。

读完本文，你对2023年考研英语一大作文的考研英语一作文范文写作思路是否有了更清晰的把握？启航教育为2027考研人整理的考研英语写作高分资料包，包含近年真题、高分模板、热点话题预测，在线咨询即可免费领取。