本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2016年考研英语一高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注，对照考研英语写作模板热点话题与评分细则，你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

The pictures above display two distinct approaches to parenting. In the left picture, a father sits comfortably in a chair, watching TV while instructing his son to study hard. Conversely, the right image vividly captures a father working as diligently as his son, who is studying alongside him, thereby setting a positive example. Below the two pictures, the caption reads, "Instead of just giving instructions, it’s better to set an example." Evidently, the cartoonist aims to convey the message that a good example is the brush that paints a bright future for children, while a lack of it is the shackle that hinders their progress.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, throughout their lives, children are bound to encounter various setbacks and uncertainties. In these moments, it is the positive example set by parents that gives them the strength to remain hopeful and find solutions, rather than be overwhelmed by difficulties. On the other hand, a lack of such examples may cause children to dwell on the fear of facing challenges, which not only hampers their progress but also limits their growth and future achievements.

In conclusion, a parental role model is the cornerstone for children to overcome challenges and achieve success. As the younger generation moves into an ever-changing future, it is clear that these positive examples will play a vital role in helping them adapt to new difficulties and make progress, both individually and collectively. Leading by example, parents can help them build a brighter and more promising future.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：alongside

批改："beside" 在描述物理位置时比 "alongside" 更常用、更自然。

原文：instructing

批改：改为 telling 语气更自然

原文： a lack of it

批改：改为 a negative example 更合适

批改：开头段表达很好，清晰地阐述了图画内容, 表达的主题和图画也是贴合的

批改：语法正确

批改：语法正确

原文：a lack of such

批改：可改为 negative

批改：内容表达很好，也很具体

批改：语法正确

批改：结尾段内容表达很好

批改：语法正确

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：17分/20分

题目要求：总体上来说是切题的，表明了个人观点，和图画的内容很贴合

语言表达：存在几处细节表达问题，词汇表达不错，一些句式也很好

结构逻辑：文章的结构完整清晰，内容也比较丰富具体

修改建议：细节表达问题结合作文批注仔细修改，让表达变得更地道。之后可以多积累素材，自己多练练句子，进一步丰富自己的句式和观点储备，多积累地道表达，总的来说写的很好，加油！

读懂范文只是第一步，写出高分作文才是关键。启航教育提供考研英语作文免费批改服务，由资深讲师逐句点评，让你清晰掌握考研英语写作模板写作锦囊的核心要点。2027考研英语备考，从一篇专业批改开始。