考研英语作文失分点多、提分空间大，一直是2016年考研英语一备考生核心痛点之一。本文围绕考研英语一写作冲刺话题，给出一篇经过启航教育老师精细批改的高分范文，文中不仅有逐句批注，还附有可复制的考研英语一高分写作模板。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

There are two pictures.In the left one, the father sits comfortably on the sofa,smoking a cigarette and watching TV,while ordering his stressed son to study hard.On the contrary,both father and son in the right picture are absorbed in their books at 9p.m..The caption "Instead of making a request,setting an example" highlights the core message.

Parents behavior shapes children"s values mare than empty words.As Children"s first teacher,parents" actions are mirrored in their children"s habits. A parent who prioritizes learning naturally inspires the child to embrace diligence;in contrast, contradictory words and deeds breed confusion and resistance.This "education by demonstration" fosters intrinsic motivation far beyond verbal instructions,laying the foundation for children"s lifelong growth.

As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words".Parents must align their behavior with expectations,using their own conduct as a guiding light.Only by being consistent role models can they nuture children"s positive traits and guid them toward a promising future.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：s.I

批改：注意空格。这种问题可能是系统提交时出现的，考生在考试中注意书写即可。

原文：There are two pictures.In the left one, the father sits comfortably on the sofa,smoking a cigarette and watching TV,while ordering his stressed son to study hard.On the contrary,both father and son in the right picture are absorbed in their books at 9p.m..The caption "Instead of making a request,setting an example" highlights the core message.

批改：首段描述了图画上的信息，句子写的不错。

原文：,smoking

批改：smoking本身就可以表示抽烟的动作，强调数量 抽一根烟时会用 smoking a cigarette

原文：Parents

批改：这里使用所有格 Parents"

原文：mare

批改：单词拼写问题more

原文：words.

批改：后面缺少do，这个助动词do代替的就是重复性的shapes

原文：ce;i

批改：用句号结束前一个句子。下一个句子In开头

原文：ifelong

批改：life-long

原文：Parents behavior shapes children"s values mare than empty words.As Children"s first teacher,parents" actions are mirrored in their children"s habits. A parent who prioritizes learning naturally inspires the child to embrace diligence;in contrast, contradictory words and deeds breed confusion and resistance.This "education by demonstration" fosters intrinsic motivation far beyond verbal instructions,laying the foundation for children"s lifelong growth.

批改：第二段可以使用一些逻辑连接词，比如first and foremost，what"s more来让阅卷老师一眼看到写作的逻辑

原文：".P

批改：句子没有结束用逗号，p小写，parents

原文：As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words".Parents must align their behavior with expectations,using their own conduct as a guiding light.Only by being consistent role models can they nuture children"s positive traits and guid them toward a promising future.

批改：结尾句子写的也不错。注意标点符号细节。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：13/20

一考试要求：本篇作文是一篇图画作文，要求考生先叙述图画中的信息，再做出对信息背后原因的分析，最后做出总结，考生完成考试要求。

二语言表达：在本篇练习中可以看出，考生的英语基础水平还不错，写的句子都有自己的想法，但是仍然要注意许多细节之处，细节往往决定着成败。比如标点符号、单词拼写，这样的细节问题尽量在考场上不要出现。

三行文逻辑：考生在一开始描述了图片上的信息，核心部分进行原因的论述，最后进行总结，整体练习符合本篇文章的逻辑要求。

四建议：建议考生在这个阶段静下心来复习，继续通过老师的逐句批改，发现自己的问题，改正问题，不要感到气馁。行百里者半九十。继续坚持，加油！

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