当你坐在考研英语一考场，面对2024年大作文题目的那一瞬间，是否能快速组织起一篇结构清晰、表达地道的高分文章？本文这篇批改例文，正是考研英语一写作冲刺话题下的标准范本，适合每一位考研英语备考生反复研读。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

As shown in the left-hand cartoon, there are some people exercising in a newly-built park, which a boy enjoys. Meanwhile, the right-hand bar chart clearly depicts the number of parks in a certain city from 2020 to 2022, which kept increasing. Evidently, the above information reflects that a good environment plays an important and positive role both in our personal life and in society.

The core reasons for this observed phenomenon can be summarized as follows. To start with, as the conductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound eco-friendly system and further create a more harmonious connection between human beings and environment. What is more, as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives. An increasing number of individuals have changed their behaviors and choices. Considering these factors, the phenomenon depicted is unsurprising.

What about the future trends? I am confident that the number of parks will continue increasing in the following decades. Above all, we should actively support and advocate this trend, and take part in the endeavors to protect the environment. Only by doing so can we create a bright future.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：tain city from 2020 to 2022, which kept increasing. Evidently, the above information reflects that a good environment plays an important and positive role both in our personal life and in society.

批改：第一段成功引入了漫画和图表，并提炼出核心观点，完成了开篇的任务

原文：nductor orchestrating the symphony of changes, our government has made tremendous efforts to build a sound eco-friendly system and further create a more harmonious connection between human beings and environment. What is more, as we all know, the outbreak of COVID-19 has impacted every aspect of our lives. An increasing number of individuals have changed their behaviors and choices. Considering these factors, the phenomenon depicted is unsurprising.

批改：本段的原因分析框架很好，视角宏大。通过强化第二个原因内部的因果逻辑，并建立与主题更直接的联系，你的论证会更有力、更完整。

原文：ween human beings and

批改：between human beings and environment 中，environment 前需加上定冠词 the

原文：out the future trends? I am confident that the number of parks will continue increasing in the following decades. Above all, we should actively support and advocate this trend, and take part in the endeavors to protect the environment. Only by doing so can we create a bright future.

批改：结尾段成功地对未来做出了预测，并提出了积极的倡议

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16

同学，你的这篇作文结构严谨，论点清晰，并能运用高级句式，这些优点请务必保持。你已经建立了一个非常稳固的写作框架。

为了使你的作文更具说服力，向更高分数冲刺，老师建议你聚焦于以下一点：

深化论点与主题的关联，并优化逻辑衔接。具体来说：

在分析原因时，不仅要提出宏观背景（如疫情），更要清晰地阐明这一背景是如何直接导致你所描述的具体现象（公园数量增加/使用率升高）的。在“因”与“果”之间建立一座坚固的桥梁。

注意使用恰当的因果、转折等逻辑连接词，让句与句、论点与论点之间的逻辑关系一目了然

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