作为考研英语备考的核心模块，2024年考研英语一大作文承载了大量学生的提分期待。本文带来的这篇批改例文，紧扣考研英语一大作文常见话题，由启航教育资深英语教研团队逐句批改，详细标注语法、词汇与逻辑三大失分点，是考研英语写作提分的优质资料。

一、考研英语一2024年大作文题目

考研英语一2024年大作文Directions:Write an essay based on the picture and the chart below. In your essay, you should 1) describe the picture and the chart briefly, 2) interpret the implied meaning, and 3) give your comments. Write your answer in 160-200 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2024年大作文批改例文

The picture and chart illustrate the scene and information concerning the construction of park these years. In the left picture, some young people are jogging in a new-build pork which has a neat environment. And according to the chart on the right, the number of park in a city has a steady increase from 406 in 2020 to 670 in 2022.

Clearly, what is shown above reveals the phenomenon that the government and normal citizens have paid more attention to body health and green city. There is a combination of factors responsible for that such wide prevalence has it enjoyed in present-age society. Firstly, it is largely attributed to the bloom of today"s economy. It is impossible that we pursue a healthier life style and more beautiful city when we couldn"t even find enough food to get away from starving. Besides, we can"t overlook the function of education which allows us to know that a suitable place for people to do exercise is significant.

The raising trend of the number of new park will let us embrace a better prospect in not only the health of people but also the sense of city. Based on the effort of government, there can not be any hesitation to walk downstairs and have a jogging in the new park!

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：pork

批改：park

原文：the number of park

批改：the number of 后加名词复数，park改成parks

原文：he picture and chart illustrate the scene and information concerning the construction of park these years. In the left picture, some young people are jogging in a new-build pork which has a neat environment. And according to the chart on the right, the number of park in a city has a steady increase from 406 in 2020 to 670 in 2022.

批改：能够完整描述出图画中的内容，语言连贯。

原文：that

批改：that多余去掉

原文： has it

批改：加定语从句引导词that，否则会导致句子结构断裂，改成；that it has

原文：learly, what is shown above reveals the phenomenon that the government and normal citizens have paid more attention to body health and green city. There is a combination of factors responsible for that such wide prevalence has it enjoyed in present-age society. Firstly, it is largely attributed to the bloom of today"s economy. It is impossible that we pursue a healthier life style and more beautiful city when we couldn"t even find enough food to get away from starving. Besides, we can"t overlook the function of education which allows us to know that a suitable place for people to do exercise is significant.

批改：论述的内容较为全面，运用逻辑关系词使得句与句之间衔接较为紧密。

原文：park

批改：parks

原文：The raising trend of the number of new park will let us embrace a better prospect in not only the health of people but also the sense of city. Based on the effort of government, there can not be any hesitation to walk downstairs and have a jogging in the new park!

批改：起到了呼吁和号召的作用，紧扣主题，语言连贯完整。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：16/20

内容切题，准确全面的描绘出了图画中的内容。词汇方面，注意避免拼写错误；句式方面，注意句子结构的完整连贯；语法方面，注意the number of后加名词复数以及注意定语从句的正确使用。逻辑结构清晰完整，论证较为充分。能够运用一些逻辑关系词来连接句子，结构清晰。

修改建议：可以看出作文完成的很认真，无论是内容的充分性还是语言的逻辑结构都特别的清晰，值得表扬。如果能够再注意避免以上的一些小的细节问题会更好。继续加油。

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