本文将启航教育一对一批改过的2021年考研英语二高分范文进行公开呈现。批改老师对文中每一个失分细节进行了精确标注，对照考研英语作文批改热点话题与评分细则，你可以快速了解考研英语写作的提分方向。

一、2021年考研英语二大作文题目

考研英语二2021年大作文48. Directions: Write an essay based on the chart below. In your writing, you should1) interpret the chart, and 2)give your comments. You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)

二、2021年考研英语二大作文批改例文

The bar chart, succinct yet illuminating, effectively illustrate the various factors that ways of physical exercise among the residents of a certain city.Specifically,the number of people who exercise alone and those who exercise with friends is the largest. Approximately 50% of residents choose to exercise alone, while the number of those exercising with friends is slightly less than that. Next comes exercising with family members. Group exercise has the smallest number of participants, accounting for only about 15%.

Actually, this seemingly simple chart subtly discloses a prevailing phenomenon that people tend to exercise in the way they prefer. Several key factors contribute to this phenomenon. On the one hand, people are attaching increasing importance to health; on the other hand, people are becoming increasingly independent in both ideology and economy, enabling them to do more of what they want.

Considering these general illustrations，we may reasonably arrive at a conclusion that people tend to exercise in the way they prefer.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：succinct yet illuminating, effectively illustrate the various factors that ways of physical exercise among the residents of a certain city

批改：存在主谓不一致和句子结构错误。主语是单数 The bar chart，谓语动词应为 illustrates。factors that ways of... 结构不完整且错误，可改为 the distribution of different ways of physical exercise...

原文：The bar chart, succinct yet illuminating, effectively illustrate the various factors that ways of physical exercise among the residents of a certain city.Specifically,the number of people who exercise alone and those who exercise with friends is the largest. Approximately 50% of residents choose to exercise alone, while the number of those exercising with friends is slightly less than that. Next comes exercising with family members. Group exercise has the smallest number of participants, accounting for only about 15%.

批改：本段试图对图表进行描述，但出现了较多问题。最主要的是数据描述不精确，建议不要四舍五入，还是保留数据准确性，带着小数点就带着小数点。同时，语法错误和用词不当也影响了段落的专业性。代表百分比可以用rate、proportion等词，不一定要用number。而且第一段对于数字的描述部分字数可以适当减少，后面的分析部分可以适度增加。

原文：independent in both ideology and economy, enabling them to do more of what they want

批改：可优化为 “modern people are increasingly independent in ideology and economy, allowing them to choose exercise methods that suit their lifestyles”（“suit their lifestyles” 比 “do more of what they want” 更贴合 “运动方式选择” 的主题，表达更地道）

原文：n the one hand, people are attaching increasing importance to health; on the other hand, pe

批改：“On the one hand... On the other hand...” 可补充具体案例增强说服力，改为 “On the one hand, people are attaching increasing importance to health, and solo exercise is favored for its flexibility to fit busy schedules; on the other hand...”

批改：本段是文章的失分点。所提出的两个原因均未能有效、具体地解释图表中反映出的核心现象——即四种锻炼方式之间显著的占比差异。分析停留在较为宽泛的层面，与图表数据的结合不够紧密，缺乏针对性和说服力。

批改：未提供新的信息或进行升华，使得结尾显得空洞。

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：8/15分

本文能够围绕图表展开论述，并尝试分析原因，结构意识是好的。然而，文章在几个关键方面有较大的提升空间。首先，图表描述不够精确，未能准确传达数据信息。其次，也是最主要的问题，在于分析段落未能提供与图表现象紧密相关的、具体有力的原因，论证深度有所欠缺。此外，结尾段重复前文，未能有效收束全文，而且分析部分的比重和第一段的比重需要调整，2、3段的分析需要增加，第一段尽量缩短一点。建议在未来的写作中，首先确保数据的准确描述，进而深入思考数据差异背后的具体社会或个人原因，使论述更具针对性。

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