考研英语写作想要突破20分瓶颈，仅靠背诵远远不够，必须通过范文精读+专业批改双管齐下。本文带来的2016年考研英语一高分批改范例，涵盖考研英语一真题高频常考话题，逐句逐段剖析高分背后的逻辑链条。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

2

2

要

公现

以如

环块津程 课程 厨 ,哪里不会扫哪里 学专属的语法书课包 冒间的 、利用

请在各题目的答题区域内作答,超出答题区域的答案无效 Section I Writing PartD 考研英语一火作及2016年

52. In the left-hand cartoon, there is a man lying in the sofa and smoking, telling his son to study hard, while his son sitting on the desk and doing homework without a smile. On the country, in the right-hand portrayal, there is another man studying hard with his son. The cartoonist intends to convey to readers that setting an active example is a significant influence both in our personal lives and in society.

This phenomenon is thought-provoking in several ways, but two of them are particularly significant. On the one hand, setting an active example can promote personal growth and self-fulfillment, thus making life rewarding and meaningful, rather than being negative. On the other hand, setting a negative example and putting forward suggessions can hinder one"s success. but also as an Achilles" heel that can turn a final step towards heaven into a stepping stone towards hell.

Therefore, setting a example, which is a pervasive social phenomenon is a double-edged which can have a profoundly positive or negative influence on the develop-ment of young people. When facing this phenomenon, we need to extract its essence while elimating its drawbacks. delving into how to maximize the positive impact and mitigate the negative aspects.

请在各题目的答题区域内作答,超出答题区域的答案无效

第4页(共4页)

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：in

批改：改为 on

批改：语法正确

批改：开头段表达不错，清晰地阐述了图画内容, 表达的主题和图画也是贴合的

原文：sitting on the desk and doing homework

批改：此处写为 while 引导的从句更清晰，此处为谓语动词，改为 is sitting at the desk and doing his homework

批改：语法正确

批改：语法正确

原文： and putting forward suggessions

批改：删去，此处语义和 前面 负面的例子 语义不一致

原文： can hinder

批改：改为 not only hinders (not only……but also 要并列使用)

批改：逗号

原文： as

批改：缺少动词，改为 acts as

批改：内容表达不错，也比较具体

原文：phenomenon

批改：加逗号

原文：double-edged

批改：此处为名词，改为 double-edged sword

批改：逗号

批改：结尾段其实写出 积极榜样的重要性 更合适，比如参考范文 In brief, positive examples are the catalyst for children’s development, from which they all stand to benefit. Therefore, we should actively support and advocate this practice; additionally, we must be acutely aware of the detrimental effects of negative examples to ensure children’s growth stays on course.

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：14分/20分

题目要求：总体上来说是切题的，表明了个人观点，和图画的内容很贴合

语言表达：存在几处语法问题，词汇表达不错，一些句式也很好

结构逻辑：文章的结构完整清晰，内容也比较丰富具体

修改建议：1. 语法和内容表达问题结合作文批注仔细修改，要细心 2. 标点使用和首字母大小写要规范。之后可以多积累素材，自己多练练句子，进一步丰富自己的句式和观点储备，提高自己的表达，总的来说写的不错，加油！

本文展示的2016年考研英语一范文可以提炼为考研英语一真题的写作模板灵活复用。启航教育写作教研组归纳了6类常考话题高分模板，均纳入2027考研英语斌哥写作锦囊冲刺抢分班，助你一次掌握考研英语作文的得分密码。