本文整理了2016年考研英语一大作文真题原文及高分批改例文，是备考考研英语写作冲刺的实用素材。考研英语作文在考研英语中占据重要分值，历年真题范文能够帮助考生快速把握命题规律与评分要点，下面让我们一同走进这篇批改范文。

一、考研英语一2016年大作文题目

考研英语一2016年大作文52. Directions: Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following pictures. In your essay, you should1) describe the pictures briefly, 2) interpret the meaning, and3) give your comments. You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET. (20 points)

二、考研英语一2016年大作文批改例文

The two pictures vividly contrast two different scenarios of family education. In the left picture, a father is relaxing on the sofa, engrossed in his mobile phone and TV, while ordering his son to “study hard”. The boy, however, looks reluctant. In sharp contrast, the right picture shows the father studying diligently at the desk alongside his son, with piles of books around them. The caption “It’s better to set an example than just make demands” highlights the profound message that parents’ exemplary behavior outweighs empty instructions in educating children.

This cartoon aims to shed light on the significance of parental role - modeling in family education. A growing number of parents tend to impose strict requirements on their children while neglecting their own conduct. They fail to realize that children are more likely to follow what their parents do rather than what they say. For instance, if a parent urges the child to read books but never touches one themselves, the child will hardly develop a genuine interest in reading.

In my view, parents should prioritize being role models. They need to align their actions with their words, such as studying together with children or participating in beneficial activities. Only by doing so can they effectively guide their children to form positive habits and values, paving the way for their wholesome growth.

三、考研英语作文批改

原文：two pictures vividly contrast two different scenarios of family education. In the left picture, a father is relaxing on the sofa, engrossed in his mobile phone and TV, while ordering his son to “study hard”. The boy, however, looks reluctant. In sharp contrast, the right picture shows the father studying diligently at the desk alongside his son, with piles of books around them. The caption “It’s better to set an example than just make demands” highlights the profound message that parents’ exemplary behavior outweighs empty instructions in educating children.

批改：你对两幅图的对比描述非常成功，用词准确如“vividly contrast", "engrossed in", "in sharp contrast"。"exemplary behavior"这个词组也用得很棒

原文：is cartoon aims to shed light on the significance of parental role - modeling in family education. A growing number of parents tend to impose strict requirements on their children while neglecting their own conduct. They fail to realize that children are more likely to follow what their parents do rather than what they say. For instance, if a parent urges the child to read books but never touches one themselves, the child will hardly develop a genuine interest in reading.

批改：这一段成功点明了漫画的寓意。论点展开得很好，特别是“children are more likely to follow what their parents do rather than what they say”这个核心观点，直接有力。举的例子也很贴切，很好地支撑了你的论点。

原文： my view, parents should prioritize being role models. They need to align their actions with their words, such as studying together with children or participating in beneficial activities. Only by doing so can they effectively guide their children to form positive habits and values, paving the way for their wholesome growth.

批改：结尾段给出了明确的个人观点和建议，结构完整。“align their actions with their words”这个短语用得非常精彩和地道。结尾句采用了“Only by doing so can they...”的倒装句，体现了你对复杂句式的掌握，很棒！

原文： role - modeling i

批改：role - modeling -> role modeling (连字符可以去掉)

四、考研英语作文评分

得分：18

总评与建议

同学，你这篇作文完成得相当出色！结构严谨，逻辑清晰，语言流畅且用词丰富，准确抓住了漫画的核心思想。

用词可以更精准：比如将“on his mobile phone”修正为“on his mobile phone”，以及将“wholesome growth”调整为更地道的表达。

表达可以更自然：像“impose requirements”和“outweighs empty instructions”这类表达，可以思考是否有更生活化、更流畅的替换方案。

对2016年考研英语一大作文的精读，让我们再一次感受到考研英语写作冲刺写作的命题趋势和得分要点。启航教育会持续发布考研英语写作干货，欢迎添加在线咨询老师，领取2027写作预测话题与范文精解，预约免费批改名额。